Guest Article: Holding the Key to Your Emotions by Lesley Moore

Do you often feel that your mood is controlled by the people around you? Do you often find that even on one of your best days, there is always that one person who throws a wrench in it?

Many times, even when you’re having a great day, one unexpected turn can make that perfect day look horrible. Maybe it’s your co-worker who sees everything as negative, the slow driver holding up traffic, or your teenager’s hormones going wild…but in that instant, the positive outlook that you worked so hard to hold onto all day, is gone. Just like that. Suddenly you find yourself in the same negative space your co-worker is in, or with the same raging hormones your son/daughter now has.

How many times have you caught yourself saying, I was fine until you came in with that attitude?! As if someone else holds the key to your emotions, you quickly forget that you created the positive state you were in all day. It becomes almost an outer body experience, as someone else’s mood takes over yours. But do you have to let someone else’s day dictate how yours will go? Or can you truly hold onto the day you were already having, regardless of what else happens?

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Given that you are a healthy individual, you do have the ability to truly control your mood. That’s the good news, but also the bad news. The good news is that if you choose to have a day that is upbeat and positive, then you can have it. The bad news is that you will have to stop blaming those around you who have not chosen that kind of day. It is a choice on their part too, but not for us to choose for them.

I am not proposing that other people’s behavior will not affect you, but that it will only affect you…if you choose to let it. Although it is not easy and will take some work on your part, you can opt to stay in your positive state of mind, regardless of what is going on around you.

1- First take a good look at what is actually occurring. Try to remove the emotions and just look intently at what is taking place.

Let’s use the example of your son coming home from school in a very bad mood. He comes in slamming his backpack to the ground and throwing his shoes across the room. Within an instant, he is picking an argument with his brother who has come in the house peacefully, and when you go to intervene, he begins to yell at you for always siding with his brother. After having a pleasant day yourself, you immediately feel your heart racing and can feel the anger brewing. As you begin to yell back at him, you also begin to take on the exact mood your son has brought in the door.

If you stop yourself for just a moment, though, take a deep breath and acknowledge only the facts, you will be able to keep your emotions in check as well. The fact is that your son has clearly had a bad day and does not know what to do with his emotions. What he is doing with them is inappropriate and he needs to know that.

2 – Take another deep breathe and concentrate on yourself and the space you were in before he walked in the door. Remind yourself of what made it a good day just seconds ago. (Ex: I am so proud of myself for finishing that article I had to write!) Then visualize that you are standing in a clear box of sorts (with air holes, of course!).

This box represents your good mood of the day. I like to call it my “happy space”. Visualize that no matter what, no one can get in (unless they’re happy too) and no one can pull you out. It is your emotion today and you have created it. The emotion you see in front of you is not yours, but in fact an emotion your son is having. So let him have it. Offer assistance (Do you want to talk about your day?). Set consequences (Maybe you need to go to your room until you are ready to talk about it or let it go).

Remember that we have been conditioned to take on the moods of others around us, so this is not an easy task. It is something that really works, though, and allows you to really have control on your day and what mood you choose to be in. The best part, surprisingly, is that when you don’t become one with their emotions, they may find it easier to let go of the anger they’re having and you will feel proud of holding the key to your own emotions!

Lesley Moore is President and owner of LifeScope, LLC, in Pennington, New Jersey. She is a practicing Life Coach, Certified Personal Trainer and a Freelance Writer.

Additional insights from the EFT approach – by Ananga Sivyer

Lesley Moore makes some excellent points here. Why should we let an off patch/outburst ruin what’s already been achieved that day? Or what we had planned to get done, but could easily be put off from doing by an anger eruption! And what about our relationships?

Rather than picking up on the anger someone lays at your feet, and subsequently getting mad yourself, how about putting EFT into action and getting above it all?

There are many ways you can use EFT to keep cool calm and collected. One is to learn the one point wonder for stopping anger in it’s tracks – it’s on the gall bladder meridian and is the 2nd point in the EFT tapping sequence – found at the outside edge of the eye you can see the chart on our learn the basics page
All you need to do is tap this one point when you feel irritated and angry. It will diffuse things immediately and give you some thinking space to choose you next action rather than just react automatically with your own angry outburst.

To really get to grips with your emotions with EFT is as simple as tapping through the EFT sequence with awareness of your feelings – whatever they are “even though x is driving me crazy…” “even though I hate it when he comes home like this…” just pick your phrase and get to it – you can get really thorough with EFT and emotions – our EFT ebook will show you how.